An easy way to reduce overwhelm!
Overwhelmed and don’t know where to start?
Sounds familiar – because I find myself going back there regularly – but each time, I get myself out of it quicker – so I must be doing something right.
So here are my tips on how to avoid the overwhelm leading into 2021
STOP:
Work out what is overwhelming you firstly.
Is it your home? Is there too much ‘stuff’?
Is it your emotions?
Are you trying to be all things to all people?
Are you left feeling drained from being around people that just aren’t your people?
What is overwhelming you?
Write it down.
WHAT CAN & WHAT CAN’T CHANGE
Now look at what you’ve written and decide – do you have control over this? If yes, what can you do? If no, can you accept the situation as is and continue with it? OR do you need to distance yourself?
Remember you are not and cannot be responsible for other people, their actions or their willingness to change. But you CAN decide whether you want this person in your life and what you are or aren’t willing to put up with.
If you’re overwhelm is related to physical ‘stuffness’ – then use good ol Marie Kondo – does it spark joy, do you need it in your home? Is it time to let it go?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with your own emotions – dig into why? How have you been triggered recently? What patterns do you keep living? What are the emotions underneath this and what are you going to do about it?
WHAT DO WE DO NOW
Billy always says ‘what do we do now, Mum?’. And right now, what you do is make a decision as to whether you are going to accept or change the situation that is causing overwhelm.
If in the previous step you worked out that you can change it – then decide to do it, and do it. Sounds easy hey? Well in some instances it can be – like in taking a load of clothes to the salvos that you don’t use anymore, but in other situations it can be god damn hard. Like relationships and emotions. So – my tip – start small. If you catch yourself thinking about whatever is overwhelming you constantly, then just imagine that thought/person/behaviour drifting away. Off into the sky. And remind yourself that you’re not giving your thoughts or energy to that anymore. Over time of doing this consistently you will notice that the frequency and intensity reduces. I’ve still got to practice this at times – so remember that we are all a work in progress.
If the emotions are deep seated, maybe you need to get some help to work on them?
If you’ve decided to accept that you cannot change the situation that is overwhelming you, then your ‘what do we do now, Mum’ is to work out how you want this person/situation in your life, and what this looks like. Do you need to have a discussion about what is, or isn’t appropriate? Do you need to practice letting the consistent thoughts about wanting the situation to be different go each time they pop into your head? What can you actually do to accept this situation?
YOUR LIFE
At the core of all of this, is that this is your one precious life. Too often we allow others perceptions, decisions, hurt, projections of self hatred and meanness to bring ourselves down. We worry about offending others by putting boundaries in place. We worry that decluttering and letting what we no longer need in our lives go, will hurt others. We worry. We worry. And we worry. And it creates overwhelm. And adrenal exhaustion and a raft of other things!
So bring it back to the basics.
Stop. Write. What do I have control over? How? And Your Life.
By living our life, true to us – it actually propels others around us to face what they need to face and to live more in alignment with who they are. So in a way, you being you, completely you, you are doing everyone a favour. But let’s not live our lives to please everyone else anymore, ok? Let’s just you do you, and then the rest will follow.
Much Love
Arnna xxx