Authentic self
There’s a lot of talk around about the ‘authentic self’. But what does that actually mean?
If someone had said that to me a few years back, I’d be like, yeah, I’m totally living my authentic self – I’ve got this shit sorted.
I say what’s on my mind.
I stick up for what I believe.
I’m doing a job I love.
That’s authentic, right? Doing all those things?
Yeah, well, maybe it is. But when I was doing the top two of those things, I was riddled with emotions. Overwhelming over analysis of the ‘shoulds’, ‘coulds’ and ‘what ifs’.
I would have to pluck up the courage from the absolute soles of my feet to say what was on my mind. And even then, it would come out supercharged and be taken the wrong way, or perhaps even delivered the wrong way. And sticking up for what I believed in most of the time came at the cost of me being ostracized – because it was against the flow of what others were doing.
So how did I even start to journey towards my authentic self?
I peeled back the layers. And there were many. The layers of programming, unmet expectations and inner child trauma. The anxiety attached to the consequences of saying how I felt. The fear of being barked at for sticking up for what I believed.
When we heal that little person inside, we heal our older, outer selves. It honestly really is that simple. And if I were to want one thing for you all, it’s to know that this work REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.
I’ve done the hard yards. I’ve sought so many different modalities and professionals to help manage the overwhelm, overthinking and overdoing. Each and every person I’ve met with have been a vital part of my journey, but if I were to give 20-year-old Arnna any SIMPLE advice, it would be the following:
You are not your emotional reactions. You MUST own, be responsible and accountable for them – but you are not them. They’re most likely a trigger response from an unhealed childhood memory. Deal with that – and your emotional responses will stabilise. (‘But I had the best childhood!’ – yep, heard it all before. Most of us had amazing childhoods, but if you have shit happening in your life, then you’ve got to be attracting it from somewhere, yeah?).
If a pattern’s emerging in your life – whether it be how you are responding to an event (maybe you’re the passive one that walks away because #hateconflict), or you keep attracting a similar situation into your life. Then this is EXPRESS POST mail from the Universe saying, ‘hey friend, we gotta heal this, or I’m going to keep upping the ante until you do’.
Say what you need. With respect and honesty. One of two things will happen – you’ll get what you need, or you’ll work out that the person that you’re speaking with cannot deliver what you need. Either way – you know where you stand.
Get professional help. Counsellor, Psychologist, Kinesiologist, Social Worker – whatever’s your jam – seek the help. And do it at least once a month for the rest of your life. You’re kidding yourself (sorry!) if you think that you need a couple of sessions and then ‘she’ll be right’ – or – ‘pffft me? Counselling? What the fuck for? I just move on!’. Uh huh – you just move on, hey? Sure. That emotional baggage must be getting pretty heavy! We all have a dentist; we all have a doctor – and it is high time we ALL have a counsellor – from birth. Then maybe, society wouldn’t be in the mental health shit storm it is at present.
Meditate. It works. It does. And I’ll keep banging on about it, until you all have a crack.
Journal. Get those thoughts out of your head my loves! If you’re prone to overwhelm and overthinking – then do a brain dump. It’ll help calm your mind, as it will be like ‘oh cool, she’s written that down, she knows it’s important, we can now not worry about that!’.
Move. Hands up if you’re really shit at this one. Yeah, me too. Moving helps us process our emotions. And I really struggle with finding the time to do it – for various reasons. So that’s what I’ve got to work on.
Ok, I’ve got my focus. Which one of these are you going to try? Pop on over to the Evoke’d community and share your thoughts.
We would love to hear them!